Before having Liam I had these incredible and completely admirable envisions of how my days would be spent. Baby Tumbling Classes, Baby Swimming classes, Baby Sign Language Classes, The most incredible playroom, An amazing dinner on the table every night promptly at 6. He would bounce in his bouncer while I baked all kinds of delicious treats. I would craft all these amazing little pinterest worthy projects after he was peacefully asleep and I of course would have time to do something with my hair and makeup every one of these days. And then I actually had Liam.
Being super mom just DOES NOT happen overnight. I went through a really tough time accepting this and can distinctly remember my too sweet husband putting up with a crazy hormonal me crying about why it just hadn't kicked in yet and just when the hell the "Perfect Mom Stork" was going to have time to take a trip to my door front?!
I am no where near being a Super Mom yet and am every day complete awe of my friends that I strongly feel just HAVE IT. I know a beautiful and amazing woman who has 5 equally beautiful little girls and I am seriously telling you she is so super mom that it will make your head spin! Yes, Sara I am talking about your Stellar Mommy Abilities!
Im still trying to figure out how to transition into this person I so desperately seek to be, I am always the first to nag a person and tell them that you cant improve yourself if your not willing to challenge yourself and yet Ive spent a lot of time being a hypocrite sitting around nagging about how I just can't find time to get it all done. One day I sat down and wrote everything I wanted to get accomplished that day. I filled up TWO pages and quit before even trying feeling overwhelmed. So I have been trying to challenge myself this week to step outside of my comfort zone. I have really found comfort in waiting until Bryan is off and running to the store and NEVER taking Liam anywhere if I don't have to which also makes my day twice as hard I've recently learned. I would cave into letting Liam watch Tv and not read to him if he cried at me. I was becoming so upset with how far I drifted from my dreams so I started taking him to the park EVERY day unless it rains and to Sign language classes on Wednesdays and am hoping to start a baby tumbling class soon as well and oh my goodness this baby sleeps so hard after getting back from being tired which seriously starts making that list look a lot more attainable. I read to him even if he cried and I find he doesn't ever cry anymore if I read to him and I go through a series of stretches and exercises before letting him watch any tv.
I also SUPER TOTALLY CANT EVEN EXPLAIN HOW SERIOUSLY MUCH LIKE REALLY want to cut myself off of social media. Every day I pray for the strength to just delete it and never look back. I don't know why I hold on to it so much. I feel like I would be such a better mom, wife, daughter, friend if I just cut that out of my life and focused on really personalizing my relationships. Its so difficult when social media has become such a huge source of communication between friends. For example I belong to a couple of mommy groups that I literally just feel so sad to think about not being a part of anymore as I have met some really great people through them. Ah one day, one thing at a time.
No comments:
Post a Comment