Pretty routine I suppose, no ultra sound today but we listened to his heartbeat, loud and strong as ever and these days I just am thankful for that beyond the stars! On the down side Im never stepping on another scale again in my life ever! They're going to have to drag me on one at the next appointment. As though it weren't bad enough to see the big weight spike after I've been doing so good, then I have to hear "Everyone has their own way of coping with things" among other comments.... That made me feel real lousy and like I'm eating away sorrows and stress, I don't want anyone thinking anything like that, honestly my eating habits haven't changed; I think I've just been super lucky with the weight up until recently especially since I can't work where I'm used to walking all day long always on my feet but I started feeling super guilty that the one thing I can do for Chase right now is eat healthy and stay on track weight wise and I'm failing in a matter of 3 weeks =/ so no greasy tacos for me tonight for dinner, no matter how delicious they are! I have an appointment next Friday with one of my parinatologists so every one cross your fingers that the stars align and the amniotic sac starts to fuse back together and we get no more bad news from here on out!
Poem I was read this week, couldn't seem more perfect!
Welcome to Holland
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
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