I have come to the realization that our situation is never going to get easier it's just going to get different. It is a never ending hurdle race, where we get over one hurdle and go on to the next. It is always going to be the feeling of "I can't believe I made it over one more hurdle when I never thought I could and how proud I am" yet it is also always going to be "There are so many more hurdles in this race to the finish line, how will we ever make it when we are already so tired." It isnt so much the physical exhaustion on this race but the mental. Every day there must be a million things going through my mind that never in a million years would I have thought I need to think about, all the decisions, all the options, all the terms, all the outcomes, all the possibilities, all the things worth fighting for, all the things we have no control over, all of the pain, fear, happiness, stress, joy, and confusion. “When all's said and done, all roads lead to the same end. So it's not so much which road you take, as how you take it.”
So as you can tell yesterdays visit wasn't what I'd call the best ever. I have up until now loved every single nurse, doctor and specialist I've met, so when I met with the perinatoligist yesterday and it right off the bat seemed like he had a different opinion on nearly everything I feel and think I just wanted to scream. I think it was going to happen at some point what with all the hospital visits we have in our future so I had my moment. My "he doesnt know what hes talking about because this is my baby and hes different" moment. It is unreal how quickly I have become so protective over Chase!
So on to updates!
First he wants me to have a vaginal birth?!?!?!? This was a HUGE shock to me and upset me because we have been told for so long and so many times we would have a c-section as its the safest route so when he completely disregarded this and all my concerns about all of our complications sigh (Im trying to be open minded and have not made my decision at this point, I left without scheduling a date for a c-section or an induction to natural labor) ....I digress.....
Looks like L-4 to S1 lesion level so yay for it not being L3 as the lower the better and the difference between that one level is significant!
His hydro(fluid in the brain) is of course still there but we got some very unexpected news! His third ventricle is not showing any signs of dilation or blockage?!?!? Apparently this is quite unusual as the reason he would have hydro is because of a blockage and the 3rd ventricle is basically a drain so this would show signs of that normally; so 1 of 3 things.....1 this is a positive step toward him not needing a shunt, 2 he is just too small right now and it may become dilated in a few weeks, or 3 it is not functioning at all which isnt as bad as it sounds because it wouldnt affect his cognitive abilities but it would probably mean he will need a shunt.
Basically those were the only two new updates as we wont know the MRI results until we meet his neurosurgeon on Thursday, I expect that to be a very informative day!!!
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