Today thanks to Darius Rucker and his song "This" which is basically about the decisions and events that did and did not occur to lead him to where he is in that moment and how he ultimately wouldn't change any of it because it lead him there and an amazing woman "T" I work with, I reached this new way of thinking.
I work with a woman who is a very likable person! She is funny but professional, very nice and one thing that is very very clear is that she is a great mom. She has boys and she is totally the mom in the stands, ya know the one who can be heard over everyone else. She radiates happiness and when I started working with her and found out I was pregnant I was excited beyond words to want what she had. Right before I went on leave to head to San Francisco, I was very upset in the break room and she was there. I admitted that the news was still so upsetting and that it was hard to think that my future so abruptly changed and that I wasn't going to have a little football playing baby boy and I was scared about our futures and happiness. She then shared with me something I didn't expect to hear. She told me how she lost her first baby, a girl. She didn't think she could ever be happy but that as sad as it was the loss of her baby tipped doctors off to an unseen issue that helped make her other pregnancies healthy and successful and that she wouldn't change it. This literally left me awestruck, mind you this happened to her over a decade ago and it never crossed my mind months ago that something like this could happen but it has and looking back, I'm so happy she shared that with me because it is a reminder that we still have a future and that it can still be filled with happiness.
The moral of the story is
For every stoplight I didn't make
Every chance I did or I didn't take
All the nights I went too far
All that broke my heart
All the doors that I had to close
All the things I knew but I didn't know
Thank God for all I missed
'Cause it led me here to this
We are always going to want to change things in our lives, but the events that happen in our lives, the people we say hello and goodbye to are what shape us. You always know what really hurts the most because they always make our list of things we'd change.
I have always believed everything happens for a reason and as much I have tried not to believe that at certain periods of my life, I guess if you really believe something you always come back to it. I believe that when I step away and look I have so much to be grateful from this year too. I have an angel looking down on us, I have an amazing Mom & Dad whom I love to death with all their support this year. I never thought I was even an ounce of how strong I really am. I am so in love with my absolute best friend and I honestly don't think I could've made it through everything without him, our relationship is a mountain (Always growing bigger and better and near impossible to break through) (<---I totally wrote that on my own! *Remind me to send that to hallmark!). I have such a great job and so many thoughtful coworkers. & I have the best friends (new & old) (who are totally reading this) that I just adore and cant thank enough for everything<3
(& don't email me telling me I took two words out of the song, its better my way, even Darius Rucker himself would probably agree ;P)
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