Dear Future Reader

To anyone who may ever find my blog after finding out at a routine or even not so routine check up that your little one might have spina bifida. I can only hope you find as early as I did that the best thing you, your family and for your baby is to still be excited. When I think about the day before we found out, Bryan was in the office laughing at me for taking all these measurements of Chases room. He said it was adorable how excited I was to decorate his room and how much I was going to spoil him. The next day was so so different It physically hurt me to look at his room. I closed the door and wouldnt buy him anything wouldnt look at anything to buy him. I didn't know it then but I was torturing myself. I was sucking all the excitement Bryan and I had for this baby out and it is so true that being pregnant with a baby with spina bifida is scary, but I firmly believe its the scariest part. When you don't know what to think you think the worst. Nothing makes me happier then to bring out all the things we've bought for our little boy and just talk about who we think he'll look more like. I would strongly advise not hide in your room keeping all of your emotions in. Talk to your friends and family. I found that telling each new person got easier and easier. Go to work and carry on as usual. I went back to work the next day after we found out it was hard and yes I hid in the bathroom with tears or behind racks wiping my tears but by the end of the day I found I could talk about it without breaking down, It got easier and easier, and honestly as common as spina bifida is most people know nothing about it and I think thats a big part of being scared while pregnant. "What will people think? "What will people say?" Well I find that me being informative changes how people react, it all goes back to when you dont know what to think, you think the worst! I hope you find peace, strength and happiness in your pregnancy and I know I'm going to be ok and you will too and our babies too of course ; )