Worry Wart With No Ice Cream

I am absolutely itching sitting here typing this. I have been so obsessive the past few days over seeing my baby boy on an ultrasound again. I don't know why but it is eating at me. I've been trying to reach the perinatoligist we see nurse/case manager but she and I seem to keep playing phone tag. Her last voicemail on Friday was not one I wanted to hear as I thought I would just explain to her that we will already be in S.F for evaluations the day of the appointment they gave us and ask for an earlier one......instead they gave me one for the day after were scheduled for surgery (if surgery happens)....they actually said it isnt necessary to see him again before we go up since he was so good at the last appointment which was our amnio. The thing is they tried not to stimulate the baby for the test and I refused to look at the screen so I wouldn't see the needle. I kept asking them to check and make sure his feet were moving but later they said they weren't really thinking about it. I'm not mad at them, I know its a little early to be worried about that and the appointment wasn't to check for anything like that but I am going crazy over here.

It hit me that when we go to S.F it will have been a month since I've seen my little man. Last time everything sounded so sugar-coated since I have to admit Chase looked pretty darn good all things considered but I have this impending sense that were going to be informed that everything has gotten so much worse in 4 weeks time and not have been prepared. I just want confirmation that Chase is ok and that these things that I hardly ever feel are kicks and not just me imagining them being kicks. The last time mommy saw you Chase, it was all so much to bear. It was an emotional time and I didn't savor it, I know I'm being a baby and blame the hormones but I guess as well as I'm taking everything thats going on I still just cannot grasp how I feel perfectly fine and healthy and my little baby inside of me does not. That there is nothing that alarms me to changes that could be happening in him as I type or even clues that could signify how well our baby is. This is too much to handle with no ice cream in my freezer.

Some one told me this quote one day when I was being a worry wart similar to now so I'm sorry I dont know where it came from to give credit to =)

“You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future”